Rand's New Job
by Channeling Wisdom
Summary: UPDATED: More chat rooms! YAY! Cookies, too! ^_^
1. Default Chapter

~*~*~*~*~*Rand's New Job*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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Disclaimer: I doesn't own themses. I wishes I did. But Rand, and everyone else belongs to Robert Jordan, except for the weird people that you've never heard of. Those belong to me. MUA HA HA!!! NO TOUCHIE!!!!!!!!  
  
~*~*~  
  
One day, Mat Cauthon was sitting at the breakfast table in his robe and slippers, reading the morning paper. Tuon was fixing breakfast for him; pancakes, his favorite. He had a half-full glass of orange juice in his hand while he turned the page with the other to the Want Ads.  
  
"WANTED: a new cow."  
  
"Wanted: a barn for the new cow."  
  
"Wanted: a farm for the barn for the cow."  
  
"Wanted: a better life."  
  
"Wanted: a new job."  
  
"Wanted Dead or Alive: Moiraine Sedai."  
  
"Wanted: ANY JOB!!!! ANY AT ALL!!!!!!!"  
  
Mat checked the name on the last one. Rand al'Thor. He groaned. That lout of a Dragon Reborn expected to get a job that way?!  
  
"More orange juice, Matrim, dear?" Tuon smiled sweetly. Mat noticed her checked apron for the first time.  
  
"Sure, but since when have you called me Matrim? And what is that music? So happy together?! Huh?" Mat looked for the radio.  
  
"Since I decided to audition for that Florida Orange Juice commercial where everything is all perfect and then it shows how it really is and Moiraine comes and blows up that poor kid."  
  
"Oh, that one. At least Moiraine found a job. Rand here needs one. Desperately."  
  
"Well, if you're such a great ta'veren friend, you should help him, right?"  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Please? For me? I'll start calling you 'duckling' if you don't!"  
  
"NO! NOT THAT! OKAY, I'LL DO IT!"  
  
"That's my good gambling du- I mean, er...Mat."  
  
"So, I'll just go clean up and try to help Rand, then?"  
  
"Yes. Good bye, dear."  
  
"Erm...goodbye then."  
  
~*~  
  
"Okay," the tall man began, "I am interested in working here. What a high- quality place you have! Everyone is friendly...service is wonderful...and it's just so...clean. I love places like this. You know, the ones that give you a fuzzy feeling inside, like when Min told me I looked good in red; it made my hair stand out, but then I just looked at her like a dummy, and she kind of seemed like she was waiting for me to kiss her or something, but I always get so nervous around girls. You know. But Mat has such a way with girls. I remember, when we lived at Emond's Field, he once went out with six girls! Six! All in one day! And then he found the gallon of ice cream, and he was so tired, he ate the whole gallon. Only, it's kind of hard on his stomach, and man! He had some pretty strong g-"  
  
"AHEM!"  
  
Rand looked around the interview room.  
  
"Oh Mat! Eheh. When...when did....when did you come in? Eheh...." He looked at the third man uneasily, and his face turned as red as the coat Min liked so much.  
  
"You bloody Dragon, how do you expect to get a job that way?! Come on, lets go. I got some good ideas already..." Mat dragged him out in mid-sentence, the man interviewing him looked rather relieved.  
  
"Okay. That was just...I never ate a gallon of ice cream!"  
  
"Yes you did! Remember, after Nynaeve overheard you telling me about how you listened in on her and Elayne's conversation and Elayne had practically screamed to everyone about how Lan-"  
  
"Erm...yes, I remember. I REMEMBER! Okay. Yeah, mint chocolate chip. That stuff was good."  
  
"I like Superman ice cream better."  
  
"Superman is for babies."  
  
"IS NOT! ITS ONLY FOR SUPERHEROES!"  
  
"Okay, Rand. Nice. Now we are going to get you a job. What do you want to try? You never went to college, so you don't have a degree, but...wait....hey, can't you forge things with the One Power?"  
  
"Well...I don't know how to do constructive things. I can only do destructive things."  
  
Mat nodded, and dragged Rand to the coffee shop to talk things over. 


	2. Rand and Mat discoverTHE INTERNET!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* In the COFFEE SHOP!!!! *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
  
  
  
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Don't own them. Never will. I wish I did. Sorta. Kinda. R&R and have cookies!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mat glared at Rand over his latte. He had a plan.  
  
"Okay, Rand. Now before I married Tuon, Tylin showed me this awesome thing. The Internet! Chat rooms! Okay, all you need is a screen name, and you can say you need a job, and people will rush to hire you! But first you need to know Internet language," Mat sipped some.  
  
"What's a Internet? Who's a chat room? Is this dangerous, Mat?" Rand licked his Superman ice cream cone.  
  
"If you tell people that you are an adult with the mind of an ant, yes. If you lie about yourself, though...people believe the strangest things."  
  
"So...what should my screename be?"  
  
~*~  
  
****************Dragondude674 has entered the chat room*****************  
  
Yelloweyedwolf: rand...is that you??  
  
Dragondude674: eheh...yo wassup perrin? howru? HA! Get it? How-R-U??? HAHAH!! I mean it, I am good!  
  
Time2tossthedice: RAND! EVERYONE knows how r u!!! Ok? And it's LOL, not HAHAHAH!!! Come on, Dragon, you have to do it right!  
  
ILUVDUCKLINGS: oh mat! my little duckling!  
  
Time2tossthedice: NO!!!!!!  
  
Mashiara: Mat Cauthon, is that you???  
  
Time2tossthedice: Errr...yes...who r u?  
  
Mashiara: NYNAEVE AL'MEARA, YOU OAF!  
  
Dragondude674: Hey, that wasn't nice. Mat may be strange sometimes, but he is not an oaf.  
  
Yelloweyedwolf: Yeah, buzz off Nyn! Find someone else to torture!  
  
Dragondude674: LOL, yah, go ruin someone else's life!  
  
ShortBlueAesSedai: No, I thought that was ME, Rand!  
  
Dragondude674: Moiraine????!!!!  
  
ShortBlueAesSedai: It's me, alright.  
  
Iluvmashiara: Did someone insult Nynaeve?!!  
  
Dragondude674: LAN????  
  
Mashiara: Oh, don't worry Lan. He's just being A WOOL-HEADED, BLOODY, .....  
  
Iluvmashiara: ALRIGHT THEN! There is only one thing left to do!  
  
Dragondude674: y do I not like the sound of this?  
  
Iluvmashiara: ----------------------|} IT'S PIE FIGHT TIME!!!!!!! SPLAT!!!!!!  
  
Rand gapes at his laptop as a cherry pie zooms out of the screen and hits him full in the face.  
  
Dragondude674: hey, this is good! Thanks Lan!  
  
Iluvmashiara: Care for another, sheepherder?  
  
Dragondude674: eheh...no....  
  
ShortBlueAesSedai: Lan, that was unacceptable conduct. I may have to throw you out of the chat room because I happen to be the server. Now let's have some questions here!  
  
ILUVDUCKLINGS: whoever loves ducklings press 465!!!!!!  
  
Mashiara: Whoever hates Moiraine, press 5674!!!!!!!  
  
Dragondude674: 5674!!!!!!! 5674!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Time2tossthedice: 5674!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Yelloweyedwolf: 5674! 5674! 5674!!  
  
Whitehairedgleeman: Hey! Not me!  
  
ShortBlueAesSedai: Aw, thanks, Thom.  
  
Iluvmashiara: Never thought this day would come. 5674!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mashiara: *smooches hubby* aw, thanx, Lan! 5674!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Dragondude674: ok, this is fun! whoever despises Nyneev and hates it when she tugs her braid, press 999!  
  
Mashiara: OKAY, for one that is soooooo uncalled for, and for ANOTHER, you spelled my name wrong, smart one!  
  
Iluvmashiara: Sorry, you have violated code 61624, I am afraid I must do what I must. --------------------------------|} I WARNED YOU, AL'THOR!!!!!  
  
Rand shields his face, but it is no use.  
  
ShortBlueAesSedai: 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Iluvmashiara: Okay, YOU ASKED FOR IT!!!!!!!!! ------------------------------ ----------------------------------------|} BLUEBERRY!  
  
Moiraine screams as a blueberry pie hits her smack on the face. She slumps from her chair, unconscious.  
  
Mashiara: Aw...so sweet!  
  
KoolFalcon: PERRIN AYBARA!!!!!! You are supposed to be working on that ornamental piece for Berelain!!!! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU? CHAT ROOMS ARE DANGEROUS!!!! YOU COULD BE HIT WITH A PIE, OR EVEN WORSE!!!!!  
  
Yelloweyedwolf: oops....  
  
*************************Yelloweyedwolf has left the chat room***************************  
  
*************************KoolFalcon has left the chat room**************************  
  
Whitehairedgleeman: So...Moiraine? How about some stones tonight? Sound okay?  
  
ShortBlueAesSedai: Sounds wonderful, Thom. Morgase is not coming, is she?"  
  
"dead"queen: No, I most certainly am not! I am leaving, this is boring.  
  
************************"dead"queen has left the chat room***************************  
  
************************ILUVDUCKLINGS has left the chat room*******************************  
  
Time2tossthedice: Oh thank goodness!  
  
************************Whitehairedgleeman has left the chat room********************************  
  
************************ShortBlueAesSedai has left the chat room********************************  
  
Iluvmashiara: Nynaeve, you're having a good day at work?  
  
Mashiara: yeah, I got a little break from Sanche. How're you?  
  
Iluvmashiara: Great. Hey, I might get next week off. How does Hawaii sound?  
  
Mashiara: Hawaii!!!!! Really??? It sounds awesome, Lan. And if you don't mind, on your way home, we need carrots, cheese, Jones Soda, bread, and some dill pickles?  
  
Iluvmashiara: Dill pickles?!  
  
Mashiara: Yeah. I love those things!  
  
Time2tossthedice: Dill pickles are sick!  
  
Iluvmashiara: yeah, they are!  
  
Dragondude674: whoever hates dill pickles, press 676!!!!!  
  
Iluvmashiara: 676  
  
Time2tossthedice: 676  
  
Mashiara: hey!  
  
Iluvmashiara: sorry, Nynaeve. They are kind of gross.  
  
Mashiara: I love you anyways.  
  
Iluvmashiara: good! *smooches wife-y*  
  
Time2tossthedice: Whoever does NOT want to know about Lan and Nyaeve's private life, press 777!  
  
Dragondude674: 777  
  
Iluvmashiara: ANYWAYS, I'll pick up some carrots, cheese, Jones Soda, bread, and dill pickes.  
  
Mashiara: Thanx Lan! :)  
  
Iluvmashiara: ;)  
  
Dragondude674: Ooooookay, that's enough then. What are these...things? :)? What is that? A colon and a parentheses thing?  
  
Time2tossthedice: turn your head sideways, woolhead.  
  
Dragondude674: OH! Cool beans. :)  
  
Mashiara: Yes, Rand. Go back to the asylum now! :P  
  
Iluvmashiara: Yes, it would do you good. :P  
  
Mashiara: Lan, hon, I have to go now. Sanche's bellowing at the top of her filthy lungs for me to log off.  
  
Iluvmashiara: :D ;) :*  
  
Mashiara: :D ;) :* cya!  
  
Iluvmashiara: love you mashiara!  
  
***************************Mashiara has left the chat room************************  
  
***************************Iluvmashiara has left the chat room**************************  
  
Dragondude674: hey, we should do this again somtime!  
  
Time2tossthedice: yah, but let's log off now!!!!!!!!  
  
**************************Dragondude674 has left the chat room**************************  
  
**************************Time2tossthedice has left the chat room**************************  
  
"Okay," Mat sighed, "so we didn't find you a job."  
  
"But I have an idea!" Rand grinned.  
  
~*~ 


	3. Rand escapes to the Chat Room again!

Doesn't own anybody except the peeps you don't know. Those are mine, so no touchie. WoT and Co belong to RJ heh. Beans to him for Chapter 31 in Crown of Swords was NOT FOCUSED ENOUGH. ARGH!  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
Rand chewed his lip thoughtfully. Mat glared at him.  
  
"You said you had an idea."  
  
"I wanna have another chat room! BWAH!!!!" Rand collapsed, sobbing, kicking, and screaming.  
  
"You bloody..." Mat pinned Rand down to the sidewalk, "CONTROL YOURSELF!!! Okay, will you just...I got it! You like computers....we could get you a job at Best Buy! With lots of electronics! And all you have to do as a salesperson is be annoying, so....you should have no problem!"  
  
"Really? Mat, I never knew you were so smart! THANK YOU!!!!!!" Rand skipped off to Best Buy, Mat hanging back, pretending he wasn't with him.  
  
When they reached the store, Rand bounced off to the manager's office, and returned with a sticker that said, "BEWARE! ASNRAT!"  
  
Mat stared, "Uhh... what's ASNRAT?"  
  
"Annoying Salesperson Named Rand Al'Thor!" Rand beamed, showing Mat, as if he hadn't seen.  
  
"Great. Okay, I need to go to the grocery store. Tuon says that if we do not get some dill relish, Coca Cola, cheese curls, and caulliflower soon..."  
  
Rand nodded, and Mat left. As soon as the doors slid closed, Rand laughed evilly and rubbed his hands together as he sprinted for the laptop section.  
  
*********************iDragonDude has entered the chat room/i*********************  
  
Mashiara: Oh, no! Not again!  
  
KoolFalcon: I guess so...  
  
Avi_the_Wise: Hey Rand.... ;)  
  
Dragondude: Ave enda?  
  
Avi_the_Wise: That is NOT how you spell my name.  
  
Dragondude: How then?  
  
Avi_the_Wise: Uhhhh....  
  
KoolFalcon: This is a gal's room, Rand, leave!  
  
Dragondude: Naw, too fun!  
  
Mashiara: RANNNNND!  
  
Dragondude: nope...  
  
Siuan_Lake: As the former Amyrlin Seat, I command you to leave!  
  
BAREelain: Rand.... do it for me?  
  
Dragondude: NOOOOO not BERELAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Siuan_Lake: See, Rand? It would be so much more fun if you just LEFT!  
  
Dragondude: nopers, nopers, nopers.  
  
DaughterHeirofAndor: Please?  
  
Avi_the_Wise: Please?  
  
HallucinatingTomboy: Please?  
  
Dragondude: Elayne? Avi? Min? You... you wouldn't want me to leave?  
  
DaughterHeirofAndor: Yup.  
  
Avi_the_Wise: Sure do.  
  
HallucinatingTomboy: Please!  
  
Dragondude: *sniff* fine. TTFN :)  
  
************************iDragonDude has left the chat room/i************************  
  
Siuan_Lake: AS we were saying....  
  
Mashiara: Right. Now, Lan refuses to take out the garbage more than twice a week. How do you get Perrin to do it, Faile????  
  
KoolFalcon: Oh, it's easy. Just make them think they are always in control, and then when you want them to do something, they will be so startled that by the time you've made them do it, they are still wondering what happened.  
  
Mashiara: Err....right....thanx......  
  
HallucinatingTomboy: I'll remember that....  
  
DaughterHeirofAndor: and me, too......  
  
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ +++++++++ 


	4. More spiffy chat rooms!

I have been VERY very bored lately, so I thought I might as well... heh... Internet's been down for-ev-er! We had a really bad ice storm, and all the power and junk got knocked out. Um... yeah... enough with that! I don't own them, never will, this I promise in the name of the Oregano Chicken! Cookies for reviewers... ^_^ XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
Rand's New Job  
  
Chapter 4  
  
(*cough*Chapter*cough*NAYRU!!)  
  
~*~  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Dragondude has entered the chatroom XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
*EMIPWAE Chatroom is brought to you by Ba'alzamon's Drycleaning, and Shai'tan's Diner*  
  
Dragondude: Uuuuummm.... what's EMIPWAE?  
  
In_Luv_w/a_Madman: Evil Mad Insane People Who Are Evil, Lews Therin. And did you know... I lurve you!  
  
Dragondude: ARGH! LANFEAR??  
  
In_Luv_w/a_Madman: Lewypoo!  
  
Dragondude: I AM RAND AL'THOR!!!!!!!!  
  
INSANITYATITSHIGHESTPOINT: Yeah, really, dudes. IIIIIII am Lewypoo! NOOOOOOO!!!!! ILYENAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Pale-Haired_Milksop: Aw, stuff a sock in it, hubby.  
  
BadEvilNaughtyEvilMeanEvilDarkOne: Are we gonna go thru this again? You two are NOT supposed to be here, and neither is that dumb excuse for a Dragon Reborn. YOU are not Evil, although you are Insane, and Mad.  
  
IhateMashiara: *evil*  
  
Dragondude: Naw, I already got kicked out of the Girls Only Chat room.  
  
BadEvilNaughtyEvilMeanEvilDarkOne: Girls Only???? They can't kick you out of there if you have a fair claim to Girls Only status, which you do.  
  
Dragondude: Hey.... yeah... you're right... it wasn't fair, was it?  
  
IhateMashiara: *doh!*  
  
BadEvilNaughtyEvilMeanEvilDarkOne: *doh!*  
  
Pale-Haired_Milksop: *doh!*  
  
In_Luv_w/a_Madman: *doh!*doh!*  
  
INSANITYATITSHIGHESTPOINT: NOOOOOO!!!!! ILYENAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!  
  
IhateMashiara: Ehhhhhhh, stuff a sock in it!  
  
In_Luv_w/a_Madman: Oh Lewy, I lurrrrrrrve you!  
  
INSANITYATITSHIGHESTPOINT: *pphhhhtt!*  
  
Pale-Haired_Milksop: That's ma boy!  
  
In_Luv_w/a_Madman: *ahem* No...... Ilyena........ *cough*  
  
Dragondude: Ehhhhhhhh, stuff a sock in it!  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Dragondude has left the chatroom XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
BadEvilNaughtyEvilMeanEvilDarkOne: Okay, now we can talk.......  
  
~*~  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Dragondude has entered the chatroom XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
*FCGWS Only Chat Room*  
  
Dragondude: What's FCGWS? Funky Chicken Guts Who Swear?  
  
Iluvmashiara: No, Freaky Cool Guys With Swords!  
  
UnoDosTres: Yeah! Our own chat room...  
  
Iluvmashiara: But Uno does swear....  
  
UnoDosTres: Yeah... I kinda like Rand's flaming idea better...  
  
IluvSiuanLake: Me too... but I have a better one! Flaming Cursed Gulash With Spiffy attitudes!  
  
Iluvmashiara: Cool! But then it would have to be FCGWSA! -----|} to you!  
  
IluvSiuanLake: argh! Splat!  
  
UnoDosTres: How about... Flamingos Chasing Goats While Sewing?  
  
IluvSiuanLake: Or... Fruity Cool Gooshy Wet...  
  
UnoDosTres: Bryne... stop... we just do not wanna know what the next word is... XD  
  
Dragondude: How about... Fruity Cool Gooshy Wet Sneakers?  
  
UnoDosTres: Yeah... that's okay...  
  
Dragondude: Aw, beans! I just got called to Isle 4!  
  
XXXXXXXXXXX Dragondude has left the chat room XXXXXXXXXX  
  
unoDosTres: *shrug*  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
I had fun! Teehee!!!!!!!!!!!! COOKIESSSSSSS!!!! 


End file.
